Death Notice

This morning was rough. Nora was in bad shape. Horrible shape. She could barely stand, let alone eat. She had to be force fed.
This is mostly likely due to my...incompetence. I only fed her formula once yesterday, leaving 3 acorns in a food dish for her. (She's at that in-between age where she could, technically, be eating either. And the other day there was evidence that she'd eaten one.)
When I checked on her, two of the acorns were missing. This meant she ate them, right?
Anyway, she was force fed; then I went to class. The car ride was a crying tirade to The Universe.
Every stage of grief was experienced. I even offered up my life for that of the squirrel's that was going to die because I was stupid. Maybe a little extreme, but I meant it.
What's funny is that I never experienced such grief when anyone or anything else close to me died. I've always accepted it as a part of life. Things die. Tomorrow, even, my last childhood dog is going to be put to sleep.
Of course, the other deaths have all been age related. Expected, in some way. None of them ever depended on me for survival.
However, it was through kindness that I didn't become a dick today. Normally, I take this kind of emotion out on the world. I lash out. I become hurtful and vicious.
This might seem crazy or like it doesn't count, but my kindness to the world was simply not being a dick. Reaching deep inside, that was all I could muster.
Though it might not seem like much, it was still something.
Maybe Nora was brought into my life so that I could learn how to be kind through grief.
Maybe, though, it was so that I could learn a second lesson.
I learned about love. I want to keep Nora. I love her. But I need to let her go. If she survives the night, I'm taking her to a wildlife rescue shelter. I'm not equipped to raise a squirrel-- but they are. They can care for her much better than I can.
That is the ultimate kindness I can provide her.

Acts of Kindness
62. Held door for someone
63. Offered Jeff a ride
64. Tried to save the squirrel's life
65. Encouraging Ana

Acts of Kindness Done for Me
Lea's compliments
Lea letting me stay the night
Brick's compliments and concerns
Brick's hug
Jim's offer for Siti Company
David offering to sponsor the clean-up day