I interviewed at Family Video recently. Today, I hand delivered a thank you card to them.
A kind action.
However, I did it with the motivation of: "to get a job."
Does this negate the kindness?
Monday, September 28, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Sunday Affirmation
An affirmation
I'm going to see this journey through to the end. By whole-heartedly helping myself to become, I am helping the world to become. I will accept all as a positive challenge, presented to me from the universe. I will follow my deepest inner voice, trusting it to know the way.
I'm going to see this journey through to the end. By whole-heartedly helping myself to become, I am helping the world to become. I will accept all as a positive challenge, presented to me from the universe. I will follow my deepest inner voice, trusting it to know the way.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Idiot is as Idiot Does
I am an idiot. Or, I can be.
One of my friends has children. Two children.
I hate the fact that she doesn't pay them any mind or attention. Even when she has visitation, she'd much rather do what she wants than spend quality time with them.
The younger one calls me from time to time. He wants to hang out. I constantly make excuses so that I don't have to. And it's simply because I don't feel like it.
This isn't one of my finer actions.
A little person is reaching out to me. He is coming to me, asking to be my friend. I reject him.
I'm thinking of becoming a Big Brother, but I don't have time to treat those close to me with kindness. This is where I should begin.
I need to learn to open myself up to those in front of me. I need to see and help those closest before I can help anyone else.
*Disclaimer* This is only from my perspective. What I can see. Maybe she spends much more time with her children than I assume.
One of my friends has children. Two children.
I hate the fact that she doesn't pay them any mind or attention. Even when she has visitation, she'd much rather do what she wants than spend quality time with them.
The younger one calls me from time to time. He wants to hang out. I constantly make excuses so that I don't have to. And it's simply because I don't feel like it.
This isn't one of my finer actions.
A little person is reaching out to me. He is coming to me, asking to be my friend. I reject him.
I'm thinking of becoming a Big Brother, but I don't have time to treat those close to me with kindness. This is where I should begin.
I need to learn to open myself up to those in front of me. I need to see and help those closest before I can help anyone else.
*Disclaimer* This is only from my perspective. What I can see. Maybe she spends much more time with her children than I assume.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Negative Thought Process
Last night Lea gave me a compliment. She said that everything I touch turns to gold. All of our mutual friends feel the same way.
I don't feel that way about anything. Least of all myself. I feel I've been slipping way from the teachings of BOB. Active kindness is hard and I've been passing into negative thought processes lately.
This causes me to worry about my dedication to the cause of kindness. Which, in itself, is a sign of wavering commitment. Everything seems so taxing. Not worth it.
I will get through this. I knew the road wasn't going to be easy-- mostly because of myself. Instead of fighting it, struggling to continue, I will relax. Kindness will still be a goal, but no the main focus. Slowly bringing my attention back, not forcing it.
I don't feel that way about anything. Least of all myself. I feel I've been slipping way from the teachings of BOB. Active kindness is hard and I've been passing into negative thought processes lately.
This causes me to worry about my dedication to the cause of kindness. Which, in itself, is a sign of wavering commitment. Everything seems so taxing. Not worth it.
I will get through this. I knew the road wasn't going to be easy-- mostly because of myself. Instead of fighting it, struggling to continue, I will relax. Kindness will still be a goal, but no the main focus. Slowly bringing my attention back, not forcing it.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Death Notice
This morning was rough. Nora was in bad shape. Horrible shape. She could barely stand, let alone eat. She had to be force fed.
This is mostly likely due to my...incompetence. I only fed her formula once yesterday, leaving 3 acorns in a food dish for her. (She's at that in-between age where she could, technically, be eating either. And the other day there was evidence that she'd eaten one.)
When I checked on her, two of the acorns were missing. This meant she ate them, right?
Anyway, she was force fed; then I went to class. The car ride was a crying tirade to The Universe.
Every stage of grief was experienced. I even offered up my life for that of the squirrel's that was going to die because I was stupid. Maybe a little extreme, but I meant it.
What's funny is that I never experienced such grief when anyone or anything else close to me died. I've always accepted it as a part of life. Things die. Tomorrow, even, my last childhood dog is going to be put to sleep.
Of course, the other deaths have all been age related. Expected, in some way. None of them ever depended on me for survival.
However, it was through kindness that I didn't become a dick today. Normally, I take this kind of emotion out on the world. I lash out. I become hurtful and vicious.
This might seem crazy or like it doesn't count, but my kindness to the world was simply not being a dick. Reaching deep inside, that was all I could muster.
Though it might not seem like much, it was still something.
Maybe Nora was brought into my life so that I could learn how to be kind through grief.
Maybe, though, it was so that I could learn a second lesson.
I learned about love. I want to keep Nora. I love her. But I need to let her go. If she survives the night, I'm taking her to a wildlife rescue shelter. I'm not equipped to raise a squirrel-- but they are. They can care for her much better than I can.
That is the ultimate kindness I can provide her.
Acts of Kindness
62. Held door for someone
63. Offered Jeff a ride
64. Tried to save the squirrel's life
65. Encouraging Ana
Acts of Kindness Done for Me
Lea's compliments
Lea letting me stay the night
Brick's compliments and concerns
Brick's hug
Jim's offer for Siti Company
David offering to sponsor the clean-up day
This is mostly likely due to my...incompetence. I only fed her formula once yesterday, leaving 3 acorns in a food dish for her. (She's at that in-between age where she could, technically, be eating either. And the other day there was evidence that she'd eaten one.)
When I checked on her, two of the acorns were missing. This meant she ate them, right?
Anyway, she was force fed; then I went to class. The car ride was a crying tirade to The Universe.
Every stage of grief was experienced. I even offered up my life for that of the squirrel's that was going to die because I was stupid. Maybe a little extreme, but I meant it.
What's funny is that I never experienced such grief when anyone or anything else close to me died. I've always accepted it as a part of life. Things die. Tomorrow, even, my last childhood dog is going to be put to sleep.
Of course, the other deaths have all been age related. Expected, in some way. None of them ever depended on me for survival.
However, it was through kindness that I didn't become a dick today. Normally, I take this kind of emotion out on the world. I lash out. I become hurtful and vicious.
This might seem crazy or like it doesn't count, but my kindness to the world was simply not being a dick. Reaching deep inside, that was all I could muster.
Though it might not seem like much, it was still something.
Maybe Nora was brought into my life so that I could learn how to be kind through grief.
Maybe, though, it was so that I could learn a second lesson.
I learned about love. I want to keep Nora. I love her. But I need to let her go. If she survives the night, I'm taking her to a wildlife rescue shelter. I'm not equipped to raise a squirrel-- but they are. They can care for her much better than I can.
That is the ultimate kindness I can provide her.
Acts of Kindness
62. Held door for someone
63. Offered Jeff a ride
64. Tried to save the squirrel's life
65. Encouraging Ana
Acts of Kindness Done for Me
Lea's compliments
Lea letting me stay the night
Brick's compliments and concerns
Brick's hug
Jim's offer for Siti Company
David offering to sponsor the clean-up day
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
A Significant Other (Or Lack Thereof)
Feeling slightly down today. Mostly, it was due to the lack of a significant other in my life. This is a sadness I deal with on a semi-regular basis.
Yet, I know this isn't the only meaningful connection life has to offer. Friends and Family. Strangers. Co-workers. The earth. Those are important too. Maybe more.
I don't know why a relationship isn't in the cards for me. I know I still have work to do on myself. I know I am not fully the person I want to be.
It's times like these that Kindness Research is so important. Instead of sinking into my darkness, I improve my situation by helping others.
First, it helps me realize that I'm not bad off.
Second, arguably more important, is that it helps me form connections outside of myself. This act of connection helps me to re-establish the fact that I am not alone. And that I don't have to be lonely. Like that elderly woman from yesterday. Very brief, but connection.
A connection that brightened my whole day.
In the world of text messages, Facebook and Twitter, we might feel more connected, but we're not. Actual, tangible, REAL connections are getting fewer and fewer.
Our entire society is developing a case of ADD. People can't even turn off their cell phones when sleeping or at a show. They text instead of talking-- in the same room! It's a disease that is tearing us apart and not bringing us together.
I know. I was one of those people.
Those tangible connections are what I'm chasing now. And I've been finding them in the most amazing places.
Acts of Kindness
52. Held the door for someone at EJ
53. Complimenting Carlos Andres Gomez
54. Saying goodbye to Shady
55. Holding the door for someone else
56. Letting someone into traffic
57. Taking Jeff to work and Nilla home
58. Offering UUCA to sponsor clean-up day
59. Starting to organize clean-up day
60. Encouraging Ana
61. Cleaning the squirrel's butt
Acts of Kindness Done for Me
Memaw giving me money and food
Yet, I know this isn't the only meaningful connection life has to offer. Friends and Family. Strangers. Co-workers. The earth. Those are important too. Maybe more.
I don't know why a relationship isn't in the cards for me. I know I still have work to do on myself. I know I am not fully the person I want to be.
It's times like these that Kindness Research is so important. Instead of sinking into my darkness, I improve my situation by helping others.
First, it helps me realize that I'm not bad off.
Second, arguably more important, is that it helps me form connections outside of myself. This act of connection helps me to re-establish the fact that I am not alone. And that I don't have to be lonely. Like that elderly woman from yesterday. Very brief, but connection.
A connection that brightened my whole day.
In the world of text messages, Facebook and Twitter, we might feel more connected, but we're not. Actual, tangible, REAL connections are getting fewer and fewer.
Our entire society is developing a case of ADD. People can't even turn off their cell phones when sleeping or at a show. They text instead of talking-- in the same room! It's a disease that is tearing us apart and not bringing us together.
I know. I was one of those people.
Those tangible connections are what I'm chasing now. And I've been finding them in the most amazing places.
Acts of Kindness
52. Held the door for someone at EJ
53. Complimenting Carlos Andres Gomez
54. Saying goodbye to Shady
55. Holding the door for someone else
56. Letting someone into traffic
57. Taking Jeff to work and Nilla home
58. Offering UUCA to sponsor clean-up day
59. Starting to organize clean-up day
60. Encouraging Ana
61. Cleaning the squirrel's butt
Acts of Kindness Done for Me
Memaw giving me money and food
What's in a Name?
A friend messaged me and asked if my blog title came from a comedic play. The answer is no.
My blog title comes from a song from As Tall As Lions. It's also the name of their newest album. As my first post says, this was their summer. I've listened to the album probably about 200 times. It's amazing.
But the blog title also has deeper significance.
I've been slowly getting rid of my possessions. It's a painful process, but a necessary one. It's helping me to feel less bogged down. Plus, since reading The Gospel According to Larry (more on this book in another post), it's something I wanted to do.
These things don't define me. They're not what's important about life. I mean:
In the end, you can't it with you.
My blog title comes from a song from As Tall As Lions. It's also the name of their newest album. As my first post says, this was their summer. I've listened to the album probably about 200 times. It's amazing.
But the blog title also has deeper significance.
I've been slowly getting rid of my possessions. It's a painful process, but a necessary one. It's helping me to feel less bogged down. Plus, since reading The Gospel According to Larry (more on this book in another post), it's something I wanted to do.
These things don't define me. They're not what's important about life. I mean:
In the end, you can't it with you.
Baby Squirrel Update 2
So, I'm pretty sure I'm in love.
At least, I've spent most of my morning wiping the butt of the squirrel and cleaning out her cage. If that's not love, I don't know what is. All of which is hard to do, because she's still uncomfortable with it. She'll hang out with people, but doesn't like them fussing too much over her. She struggles and tries to get away. An act of kindness that is not perceived as an act of kindness.
Now that I'm decently sure the squirrel is going to survive, I've landed on a name: Nora.
When I was working on Doll's House at Weathervane, Torvald (the domineering husband) called Nora (his wife) "my little squirrel."
Since this is a "little squirrel," I decided it would be fitting that her name was Nora.
At least, I've spent most of my morning wiping the butt of the squirrel and cleaning out her cage. If that's not love, I don't know what is. All of which is hard to do, because she's still uncomfortable with it. She'll hang out with people, but doesn't like them fussing too much over her. She struggles and tries to get away. An act of kindness that is not perceived as an act of kindness.
Now that I'm decently sure the squirrel is going to survive, I've landed on a name: Nora.
When I was working on Doll's House at Weathervane, Torvald (the domineering husband) called Nora (his wife) "my little squirrel."
Since this is a "little squirrel," I decided it would be fitting that her name was Nora.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Put a Smile on Your Face
"My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness." ~Dalai Lama, from @tinybuddha via Twitter 9.22.09, 9:55 A.M.
This morning, I experienced a direct result of my kindness research.
I awoke on the wrong side of the bed. Going to class seemed like a chore. In fact, I almost stayed in bed. But the squirrel needed to eat.
On the way to school, Circle K didn't have my favorite low-calorie energy drink, which meant I really wouldn't have the energy required for jump rope and class.
And, generally, I was in a pissy mood.
At the second gas station stop of the morning, I went out of my way to assist an elderly woman with a cane. She noticed my enthusiastic desire to help her and genuinely wished me a good day.
In that moment, I smiled. That smile stopped me in my tracks. Why was I in a miserable mood? All the "crap" seemed superfluous.
I smiled all the way to class, walking as close to skipping as you can get.
A kind word and smile turned my whole day around. Odd. :-)
Acts of Kindness
44. Held the door for a bunch of people at the gas station
45. Made a girl smile because I smiled at her
46. Being super polite to the plasma people
47. Encouraging Ana to rid herself of negativity
48. Complimenting Kim Dark
59. Leaving a kind note on someone's car (we share the same model car)
50. Texting thank you to B-Fowl for her kind words
51. Sweeping the floor before class
Acts of Kindness Done for Me
A woman genuinely wished me a good day
Compliments from Brick
Brick inviting me to sit with him at Kim Dark's lecture
This morning, I experienced a direct result of my kindness research.
I awoke on the wrong side of the bed. Going to class seemed like a chore. In fact, I almost stayed in bed. But the squirrel needed to eat.
On the way to school, Circle K didn't have my favorite low-calorie energy drink, which meant I really wouldn't have the energy required for jump rope and class.
And, generally, I was in a pissy mood.
At the second gas station stop of the morning, I went out of my way to assist an elderly woman with a cane. She noticed my enthusiastic desire to help her and genuinely wished me a good day.
In that moment, I smiled. That smile stopped me in my tracks. Why was I in a miserable mood? All the "crap" seemed superfluous.
I smiled all the way to class, walking as close to skipping as you can get.
A kind word and smile turned my whole day around. Odd. :-)
Acts of Kindness
44. Held the door for a bunch of people at the gas station
45. Made a girl smile because I smiled at her
46. Being super polite to the plasma people
47. Encouraging Ana to rid herself of negativity
48. Complimenting Kim Dark
59. Leaving a kind note on someone's car (we share the same model car)
50. Texting thank you to B-Fowl for her kind words
51. Sweeping the floor before class
Acts of Kindness Done for Me
A woman genuinely wished me a good day
Compliments from Brick
Brick inviting me to sit with him at Kim Dark's lecture
Monday, September 21, 2009
I Love You, But I'm Not IN Love with You
Someone wrote me, upset at my blog.
They happened to be listed in "Acts of Kindness Done for Me" section. They said it was done out of love. Not kindness.
Are love and kindness mutually exclusive?
If you love someone, does it transform the act of kindness into an act of duty instead?
You can love someone and yet do nothing for them. You can do acts of kindness for people that you don't love.
What is the defining line? When does an act of kindness become a duty of love?
I disagree with my friend's assertion. When you love someone, you tend to act more in kindness, not less.
Also, maybe kindness depends on two perspectives. The person who does it and the person having it done. There are acts of kindness which do not seem kind. And acts of malice which turn out to be gifts. Who is in charge of the definition?
What would happen if I chose to see every action as an act of kindness, regardless of whether it was committed with malice?
Acts of Kindness
35. Brightened my interviewers day
36. Complimented B-Fowl's hair
37. Went to say "hi" to the costume shop
38. Offered paper to Matt
39. Offered a show as a fundraiser for Theatre Guild
40. Genuinely wished Theatre Guild Board a great day.
41. Took writing time to talk to Dan
42. Complimented my mother's dress.
43. Tried to be mindful and respect Heather's process before and throughout rehearsal.
Acts of Kindness Done for Me
27,000,000 Compliments about my outfit
My mom bought me a composition notebook
HEATHER
Compliments at my job interview
Kind cashier at the gas station.
They happened to be listed in "Acts of Kindness Done for Me" section. They said it was done out of love. Not kindness.
Are love and kindness mutually exclusive?
If you love someone, does it transform the act of kindness into an act of duty instead?
You can love someone and yet do nothing for them. You can do acts of kindness for people that you don't love.
What is the defining line? When does an act of kindness become a duty of love?
I disagree with my friend's assertion. When you love someone, you tend to act more in kindness, not less.
Also, maybe kindness depends on two perspectives. The person who does it and the person having it done. There are acts of kindness which do not seem kind. And acts of malice which turn out to be gifts. Who is in charge of the definition?
What would happen if I chose to see every action as an act of kindness, regardless of whether it was committed with malice?
Acts of Kindness
35. Brightened my interviewers day
36. Complimented B-Fowl's hair
37. Went to say "hi" to the costume shop
38. Offered paper to Matt
39. Offered a show as a fundraiser for Theatre Guild
40. Genuinely wished Theatre Guild Board a great day.
41. Took writing time to talk to Dan
42. Complimented my mother's dress.
43. Tried to be mindful and respect Heather's process before and throughout rehearsal.
Acts of Kindness Done for Me
27,000,000 Compliments about my outfit
My mom bought me a composition notebook
HEATHER
Compliments at my job interview
Kind cashier at the gas station.
Baby Squirrel Update
As I am trying to write this, the baby squirrel is hanging out on the coffee table. The notebook is sitting in my lap. I am on the couch.
I tried writing on the coffee table, but she kept trying to run up my arm. As soon as I could pry her off and set her down, she'd be back.
Nothing was getting accomplished. This animal is crazy! She's investigating EVERYTHING on the table. This world is new. It's big and scary. But I think she's going to make it.
She's nameless, still. Nothing amazing has struck me yet. Any ideas?
So far, I've got Shayna, Rozlyn and Lily.
I tried writing on the coffee table, but she kept trying to run up my arm. As soon as I could pry her off and set her down, she'd be back.
Nothing was getting accomplished. This animal is crazy! She's investigating EVERYTHING on the table. This world is new. It's big and scary. But I think she's going to make it.
She's nameless, still. Nothing amazing has struck me yet. Any ideas?
So far, I've got Shayna, Rozlyn and Lily.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
The Trouble with Drinking
Last night there was a breech in the hull of kindness. Not really sure what happened. Except that there was alcohol involved.
Which is not an excuse. It simply fueled the fire. An example: There's a good portion of last night that I don't remember.
I do know that, you guessed it, I was acting like a jerk. This is why I should stop drinking. It never turns out well. Then there's the hangover. Have you ever tried repairing damages while being EXTREMELY sick?
Why do I get angry over such stupidness? I've not really outgrown temper tantrums. They take a different shape, but they're still there.
Acts of Kindness
27. Let the anger from last night dissipate.
28. Encouraged TJ to talk to Kevin
29. Went to hang out with my grandparents
30. Offered to help plan a church service
31. Offered to speak to LGBTU about UU service
32. Told the cashier at Wal-mart that she missed some items when scanning my stuff
33. Complimented Jeff and Bree's outfits
34. Refraining from losing my temper when my grandma was being angry in the store
Acts of Kindness Done for Me
Two people offered to share hymnals with me at Church
Many people came up to me at Church to welcome me
Grandparents fed me dinner
My grandma took me clothes shopping
Grandpa gave me supplies for soldering
Grandparents gave me food to bring home
Jeff offering for me to hang out with him and Bree
Natalie helping with my application at Pier One
Which is not an excuse. It simply fueled the fire. An example: There's a good portion of last night that I don't remember.
I do know that, you guessed it, I was acting like a jerk. This is why I should stop drinking. It never turns out well. Then there's the hangover. Have you ever tried repairing damages while being EXTREMELY sick?
Why do I get angry over such stupidness? I've not really outgrown temper tantrums. They take a different shape, but they're still there.
Acts of Kindness
27. Let the anger from last night dissipate.
28. Encouraged TJ to talk to Kevin
29. Went to hang out with my grandparents
30. Offered to help plan a church service
31. Offered to speak to LGBTU about UU service
32. Told the cashier at Wal-mart that she missed some items when scanning my stuff
33. Complimented Jeff and Bree's outfits
34. Refraining from losing my temper when my grandma was being angry in the store
Acts of Kindness Done for Me
Two people offered to share hymnals with me at Church
Many people came up to me at Church to welcome me
Grandparents fed me dinner
My grandma took me clothes shopping
Grandpa gave me supplies for soldering
Grandparents gave me food to bring home
Jeff offering for me to hang out with him and Bree
Natalie helping with my application at Pier One
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Kindness v. Courtesy
TJ brought up a good point today.
"What's the difference between kindness and courtesy," he asked via Twitter.
This opens the door to so many other questions.
Courtesy seems to me a sort of social obligation. It greases the wheels of society, as they say.
But courteous acts can still be done in the spirit of kindness. (They can also be done grudgingly, with complaints. This is something that I, personally, am guilty of.)
Maybe kindness isn't an action. Maybe it's an attitude. Maybe it's a way of being.
Acts of Kindness
21. Hung out with Robyn and K-San
22. Talking with Robyn (and trying to prod into her personal life.)
23. Complimented a girl's socks.
24. Told Josh about his change he left at the bar
25. Bought Hard Cider for me and James
26. Took Jeff to work
Acts of Kindness Done for Me
Robyn invited me to see a show with K-San
Neighbor at the job site came to check on me. Wanted to know if I needed anything.
James bought me a drink
Josh bought me a drink
Josh complimented my weight loss
My mom called to tell me about a place that is hiring
"What's the difference between kindness and courtesy," he asked via Twitter.
This opens the door to so many other questions.
Courtesy seems to me a sort of social obligation. It greases the wheels of society, as they say.
But courteous acts can still be done in the spirit of kindness. (They can also be done grudgingly, with complaints. This is something that I, personally, am guilty of.)
Maybe kindness isn't an action. Maybe it's an attitude. Maybe it's a way of being.
Acts of Kindness
21. Hung out with Robyn and K-San
22. Talking with Robyn (and trying to prod into her personal life.)
23. Complimented a girl's socks.
24. Told Josh about his change he left at the bar
25. Bought Hard Cider for me and James
26. Took Jeff to work
Acts of Kindness Done for Me
Robyn invited me to see a show with K-San
Neighbor at the job site came to check on me. Wanted to know if I needed anything.
James bought me a drink
Josh bought me a drink
Josh complimented my weight loss
My mom called to tell me about a place that is hiring
Friday, September 18, 2009
Keep Calm and Carry On
I ran into BOB again on campus. That brightened my day.
Spreading kindness is infectious. It doesn't require much more effort than being down and negative.
Why haven't I tried it before.
To be honest though, I'm worried about this not being a permanent change. I want it to be. Mostly, I'm worried about negativity overwhelming me.
However, I have a plan to combat that:
Stop thinking about it. Worry about getting through this day. If something gets me down, that's today's problem. Not tomorrow's.
There's so much goodness inside of me, inside all of us.
There's darkness too. But it's a decision. You choose how it affects your life. For too long I allowed myself to wallow in darkness.
I hurt people. Purposefully and otherwise. I have a lot to make up for. Which, I believe, is the true essence of Karma. I'm not obligated by the universe to repay my debt. But I want to. I am freely choosing to make up for my mistakes.
I don't know if there's life after death. And I'm okay with not knowing. If there is great. If not, this is will the best life I can live.
WEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Acts of Kindness
13. Bought BOB a hotdog.
14. Complimented someone's hoodie
15. Complimented how the color of someone's eyes look
16. Complimented a girl's earrings.
17. Held the door for 2 people at the gas station.
18. Gave a few extra games to Ryan
19. Let JP borrow Left 4 Dead until November
20 Rescued a baby squirrel (I feel guilty for possibly killing her mother.)
Acts of Kindness Done for Me
Mom bought me lunch
Spreading kindness is infectious. It doesn't require much more effort than being down and negative.
Why haven't I tried it before.
To be honest though, I'm worried about this not being a permanent change. I want it to be. Mostly, I'm worried about negativity overwhelming me.
However, I have a plan to combat that:
Stop thinking about it. Worry about getting through this day. If something gets me down, that's today's problem. Not tomorrow's.
There's so much goodness inside of me, inside all of us.
There's darkness too. But it's a decision. You choose how it affects your life. For too long I allowed myself to wallow in darkness.
I hurt people. Purposefully and otherwise. I have a lot to make up for. Which, I believe, is the true essence of Karma. I'm not obligated by the universe to repay my debt. But I want to. I am freely choosing to make up for my mistakes.
I don't know if there's life after death. And I'm okay with not knowing. If there is great. If not, this is will the best life I can live.
WEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Acts of Kindness
13. Bought BOB a hotdog.
14. Complimented someone's hoodie
15. Complimented how the color of someone's eyes look
16. Complimented a girl's earrings.
17. Held the door for 2 people at the gas station.
18. Gave a few extra games to Ryan
19. Let JP borrow Left 4 Dead until November
20 Rescued a baby squirrel (I feel guilty for possibly killing her mother.)
Acts of Kindness Done for Me
Mom bought me lunch
Thursday, September 17, 2009
A Beginning, Of Sorts.
"Nothing is a coincidence. I have a new goal. One million acts of kindness. Accomplishable by age 70."-- andyoureuglytoo via Twitter, 9.17.09, 3:04 PM
Everything has a way of falling into place. Maybe it doesn't happen the way you want. But it happens the way you need.
My mother and I meet for lunch whenever I am on campus. Usually it's our only chance to get to talk, find out how life is for the other and generally just bullshit.
This particular day, however, my mother wasn't locked in her windowless basement office.
So I left her a note:
"I was here. You weren't. Thought mommies were supposed to feed their baby punkins. This is lame. Lame, I say!"
On my trek into a nearby neighborhood (as I am not officially a student anymore at the University, I'm not allowed to park on campus) my mother called. She wanted me to come back. I didn't particularly feel like it, but free food is free food. So, I found a quarter and parked at one of the meters by the student union. (I found one with time left so I could maximize my staying potential.)
After lunch I went to retrieve my car.
A man with a sign proclaiming:
Onemillionactsofkindness.com
(and his dog) were passing out stickers that proudly proclaimed the same slogan.
At first I was skeptical. My mind categorized him into "Christian Nutcase."
But BOB is not a religion pusher.
He travels America with a simpler goal:
He wants to promote kindness.
***
In some fashion or another, I've always wanted to save the world. Yet, I was always too busy looking at the big picture that I lost my sense of self.
Somewhere along the way, I became mired in the sludge that is the human existence. I became mean, vindictive, spiteful, arrogant and hateful, among other things. I knew it too. Which only increased my self-loathing.
College was a terribly dark, lonely period of my life. I lost all my high school friends and was too miserable to make new ones.
Then I directed one of the most amazing productions I have ever seen and life began to change.
I could spend time recounting that period, but if you're reading this, you probably either A.) lived through it with me or B.) have heard enough about it.
After Dog Sees God, I was sucked into a new world, a new life.
Everything I knew and loved was stripped away. I quit my job, quit doing theatre, quit being who I was.
And it was glorious!
I spent the summer being drunk, stoned, inebriated, floating or tripping of one sort or another.
Without trying to or realizing it, I lost 30 pounds. I smiled more. I learned to say "I love you"-- and mean it.
My whole outlook on life changed.
I still have much to work on, but now I'm putting my life back together. Examining. Reassembling. Tossing out that which doesn't work.
As a part of it, I've been attempting to do some kindness. Daily.
Smiling at people. Looking them in the eye. Complimenting them. Helping. Making real connections, even if just for a moment.
This world can and will be a better place. I will be a better man.
Yes, I'm still focused on the "big picture." But I can work towards kindness every day.
I am a warrior. Kindness is my weapon.
This is going to be the chronicle of how I am following the teachings of BOB and attempting to do 50 acts of kindness a day. This will be a study of the ramifications on myself and the world around me.
Hopefully, I can reach 1,000,000 by seventy.
Today's Acts of Kindness
1. Donating $5.00 to BOB and his cause
2. Giving change to a homeless man who needed it for the bus. (Does this count? He's probably using the money to buy drugs.)
3. Complimenting the woman's glasses at Walgreens.
4. Getting a sticker for Natalie
5. Saying "I love you" to my brother
6. Offering to sweep the classroom so my professor wouldn't have to
7. Offering to help a senior citizen who was carrying a large bag of dog food.
8. Giving a "present" to Jeff.
9. Refilled TJ's Q Tip Container
10. Sidewalk Chalk!
11 Giving a "present" Maya.
12 Picking up trash while on a walk
Acts of Kindness Done for Me
TJ cleaned the livingroom after my party.
Everything has a way of falling into place. Maybe it doesn't happen the way you want. But it happens the way you need.
My mother and I meet for lunch whenever I am on campus. Usually it's our only chance to get to talk, find out how life is for the other and generally just bullshit.
This particular day, however, my mother wasn't locked in her windowless basement office.
So I left her a note:
"I was here. You weren't. Thought mommies were supposed to feed their baby punkins. This is lame. Lame, I say!"
On my trek into a nearby neighborhood (as I am not officially a student anymore at the University, I'm not allowed to park on campus) my mother called. She wanted me to come back. I didn't particularly feel like it, but free food is free food. So, I found a quarter and parked at one of the meters by the student union. (I found one with time left so I could maximize my staying potential.)
After lunch I went to retrieve my car.
A man with a sign proclaiming:
Onemillionactsofkindness.com
(and his dog) were passing out stickers that proudly proclaimed the same slogan.
At first I was skeptical. My mind categorized him into "Christian Nutcase."
But BOB is not a religion pusher.
He travels America with a simpler goal:
He wants to promote kindness.
***
In some fashion or another, I've always wanted to save the world. Yet, I was always too busy looking at the big picture that I lost my sense of self.
Somewhere along the way, I became mired in the sludge that is the human existence. I became mean, vindictive, spiteful, arrogant and hateful, among other things. I knew it too. Which only increased my self-loathing.
College was a terribly dark, lonely period of my life. I lost all my high school friends and was too miserable to make new ones.
Then I directed one of the most amazing productions I have ever seen and life began to change.
I could spend time recounting that period, but if you're reading this, you probably either A.) lived through it with me or B.) have heard enough about it.
After Dog Sees God, I was sucked into a new world, a new life.
Everything I knew and loved was stripped away. I quit my job, quit doing theatre, quit being who I was.
And it was glorious!
I spent the summer being drunk, stoned, inebriated, floating or tripping of one sort or another.
Without trying to or realizing it, I lost 30 pounds. I smiled more. I learned to say "I love you"-- and mean it.
My whole outlook on life changed.
I still have much to work on, but now I'm putting my life back together. Examining. Reassembling. Tossing out that which doesn't work.
As a part of it, I've been attempting to do some kindness. Daily.
Smiling at people. Looking them in the eye. Complimenting them. Helping. Making real connections, even if just for a moment.
This world can and will be a better place. I will be a better man.
Yes, I'm still focused on the "big picture." But I can work towards kindness every day.
I am a warrior. Kindness is my weapon.
This is going to be the chronicle of how I am following the teachings of BOB and attempting to do 50 acts of kindness a day. This will be a study of the ramifications on myself and the world around me.
Hopefully, I can reach 1,000,000 by seventy.
Today's Acts of Kindness
1. Donating $5.00 to BOB and his cause
2. Giving change to a homeless man who needed it for the bus. (Does this count? He's probably using the money to buy drugs.)
3. Complimenting the woman's glasses at Walgreens.
4. Getting a sticker for Natalie
5. Saying "I love you" to my brother
6. Offering to sweep the classroom so my professor wouldn't have to
7. Offering to help a senior citizen who was carrying a large bag of dog food.
8. Giving a "present" to Jeff.
9. Refilled TJ's Q Tip Container
10. Sidewalk Chalk!
11 Giving a "present" Maya.
12 Picking up trash while on a walk
Acts of Kindness Done for Me
TJ cleaned the livingroom after my party.
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